Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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