so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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