Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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