Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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