There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
