dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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