You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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