whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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