Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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