You made me cry and you don't even care
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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