Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
