Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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