I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
