I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
