So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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