a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
