Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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