This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
