my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
