tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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