Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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