dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
