wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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