i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
