I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
