I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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