you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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