i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
