so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
