ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
