What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
