Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
