I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
