I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
