I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
