You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
