She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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