I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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