remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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