We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
