Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
