then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
