So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
