Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
