Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
