i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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