the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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