he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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