How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
