So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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