Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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