they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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